A Gumbo Story
by kalobuko
Summary: An all around get-together gone awry when a "domestic revolution" takes place. It's got no point and it ends awkwardly. What can I say, I was too lazy to be artsy and nip it in the butt.


agumbostory

A Gumbo Story  
(March 2001)  
  
Hilde said, throwing her arms up in the air. This time, I'm going to make real Louisiana Gumbo!  
Next to her, Relena looked around the kitchen, then whispered, Hilde, where's your cookbook?  
Psha! I don't need one. I have these recipes memorized, Hilde looked at her audience.  
The Preventer gang was there. Heero, Duo, Sally, Wufei, Noin, and Zechs. Relena and Dorothy were there too, apparently. Dorothy herself was staring at the oven, perplexed.  
How to you set this thing to _boil_?  
Just put the front right burner on high, hon, Hilde told her. Do you guys want to watch or are you here because Relena screamed?  
Because Relena screamed, they all answered, not exactly in one accord.   
Then, they left, jostling out of Quatre's kitchen as soon as Dorothy found the switch on the range, a huge one at that. Everyone except Sally and Noin, that is. Noin sat down at the bar and watched, while Sally strapped on an apron and joined in, taking Dorothy's place.  
Is the oyster water in the pot? asked Hilde, gathering up the onion, celery, pepper, and parsley. Tell me when it boils.  
Sally quickly found the bottle of oyster juice, a whole gallon, and poured it into the pot that had been set off to the side as the burner fired up, literally. Relena--who'd brought the crowd in because of her scream at the five pounds of hen that Hilde had been chopping up--stayed out of the way. Hilde began slicing the vegetables while Sally watched the pot.   
This is going to take a long time to make, you know? Hilde didn't look up as she chopped at a high speed. Thirty minutes to simmer the oyster water with roux. Then another thirty minutes with the veggies. And two hours after that with the meat. Add the actual oysters and boil them for fifteen minutes.  
Oh god, said Noin. That's a lot of cooking.  
Plus the rice, Hilde moved on to chopping the parsley, saving the onion for last. but that's no problem.  
It was silent in the kitchen, until Hilde walked around the bar and found the stereo sitting on top of a small stack of books on a shelf. She held up a CD case of a man singing, and began to sashay her hips as she put the disk in the stereo. A lively beat came on and she started moving to it, her hips moving all by themselves.   
I hope you guys like Johnny Mathis, she said skittishly. I always listen to him while I cook.  
Noin and Sally's mouths gaped. I love him!  
The water began boiling and Sally tapped Hilde's shoulder. She grabbed a container and opened it, then dumped it into the pot and reduced the heat. Roux added. Check.  
She chopped up the onion, after holding it under water for a few seconds. After she'd finished, she took all of the ingredients and put them in the Tupperware dish that the roux had been in. Relena hopped up onto a cleared space of counter and swayed to the sound of Johnny Mathis crooning through the intercom.   
said Sally, watching the water sizzle. Have you and Zechs gotten together yet?  
Noin straightened to attention.   
Has he popped the question on you? Hilde looked up expectantly.  
Relena nodded. You two belong together.  
You're just saying that because he'll get off your case if he marries me, Noin laughed.   
_When they begin the beguine, it brings back the sound of music so tender...  
_  
Duo gave Wufei a devious look from across the chess board, even though Wufei have been casting nothing but glares the entire time. I bet you ten bucks that dinner's gonna flop. Chances are that we have take out or fast food by...oh...I'd say about six o'clock.  
  
He grimaced, Quatre stood behind him with a look of shame.  
You should have more faith in Hilde, said Trowa, looking out the window. You do live with her, don't you?  
Of course I do, Duo sat bolt straight and jutted his chin out. And she's the best.  
Then if you expect to stay with a girl that great, Heero looked over at Duo, you should show some appreciation and not deliberately try to piss her off.  
Duo lifted his index finger, as to show that he caught the drift of the former perfect soldier. Ah. Point clearly taken.  
Wufei watched Duo's face as he looked over his moves, And promptly forgotten, I see.  
Chess was slow with Duo, who was more full of BS and hot air than Relena, Sally, and Dorothy combined. He would sit, try to look educated--which, in mind, he was--and aggravate his opponent. Psychological warfare didn't work so good with someone who's as mentally blocked as Wufei. Before, Quatre had been playing, then promptly gave up and handed Wufei his end of the board to take over.  
  
  
Everyone turned to the direction of the kitchen, where the outburst had come from. What now, Wufei humphed. Did someone cut a finger off?  
Duo shook his head, I didn't hear a scream.  
  
It came again.  
Duo called, recognizing the yell as coming from his beloved. What is it, Hilde?  
Get your arses in the kitchen, pronto!  
They all filed in, and Hilde stood behind the counter with a hanky tied around her forehead. Relena stood not too far away with a scorch mark on her apron. Sally and Noin were giggling at the sliding doors. Dorothy, the namesake of kitchen disaster, was sitting inthe sink, acting as if it were normal for someone to distinctly be sitting in the sink. Quatre discreetly eyeballed her, then addressed Hilde.  
What's going on?  
She held up a startlingly large wooden spoon above her head. I have decided that we go on strike.  
  
Wufei frowned. But you insisted on making dinner.  
And we have revoked that instigation! added Dorothy for good measure.   
Relena shrugged and fingered the frayed edges of her apron, picking at the singed threads. Domestic revolution.  
Sally broke out into a laugh, which caused everyone to look in her vicinity. Noin lifted her hands and backed away. In Sally's hand was a sherry glass lined with red liquid. Zechs stormed into the kitchen, wearing a Half-Moon Outfitter's T-shirt and blue jeans.   
What's the commotion? he asked.  
Hilde's decided to turn the tables.  
Just be glad that she put the knife down, for god's sakes!  
Every time, Hilde began, that we get together in a reunion like this, we cook. Me being head, Relena assisting, with Dorothy burning, Sally drinking, and Noin bitching. You boys go off and paint ball for all we know! We want this vacation to be a vacation.  
Um, babe, Duo said, walking over to her. When did you gather all this?  
Just now, she said coarsely against his gingerly attempt to deter a hostile takeover. Just now I thought about all the other dinners I've made for us all and figured out that cooking was all I ever did on vacation!  
It's not really vacation, said Zechs.  
IT IS FOR ME!  
Hilde's aggressive Oz soldier came out to snap, snap, snap and defend herself. Duo rarely saw this side, unless she was out swinging with a cause to fight. He didn't see her too cuddly, and even less of her when she was genuinely sweet. Hilde was her own girl, she danced to her own drum beat.  
I, Hilde Schbeiker, she began climbing on top of the counter. Proclaim that there shall be no more cooking by me or the other women of the household! So if you want food, go buy it yourselves, pigs!  
Duo made an about face, See! What did I tell you?  
Hilde threw her wooden spoon and whacked Duo right on the back of the head before she jumped off the counter and stomped out of the kitchen, onto the deck through sliding glass doors.  
_  
  
_Only a few hours later, he buckled.  
Duo moaned, laying at her door. I'm really hungry and the guys wont go get food until you aren't mad at me anymore.  
She sat on the bed, wearing a silk bed shirt and chenille robe. A bottle of pink polish was in her hand, and she balanced herself gracefully, paining her toenails a shade of cute carnation with intent to freckle with blue. Easy, delicate strokes, a mastered performance of female upkeep. Unbeknownst to Duo and the others, Relena and the other girls were also in her room. After successfully climbing from balcony to balcony, over trellises, and sneaking through hallways. Sally was still sucking hopelessly on sherry, while Noin treated herself to a facial. These two were referred to as a pair now, after a long session of Preventer missions and long, late night chats, Noin and Sally had become closer than sisters.   
Dorothy sat on the floor next to the four poster bed and sighed. Why don't you go forgive him? I'd die if someone did that for me.  
What? Drag himself to the foot of your door and moan? Hilde laughed, screwing the cap back onto the polish. Hell, he does this every other weekend for something.  
Does he really? Noin, in her cucumber and rosemary mask, smiled gleefully from the settee. Wow. Zechs only gets on his knees when he's detailing the car he got from Preventer!  
I heard that was a sweet ride, Hilde nodded. Dudes go for that sort of thing.  
Cars. Oh ha.  
Relena sighed, twirling her finger in her hair at the vanity. I always thought that you and Duo were so great together.  
We get along, Hilde wiggled her toes, smiling distantly, and I really do like him. But sometimes! Her hands clenched and she made a sour face. Sometimes he just takes me for granted and kids and pokes and...and...oh it just makes me angry.  
I guess I'm lucky, Catherine chuckled. Except for dealing with the manager, I have it easy with men. Trowa can be a butt sometimes, but at least he's a total gentleman._  
  
  
_I'm so hungry, Duo lolled at the door as Hilde stepped over him after a peaceful night's sleep.   
She laughed. What are you sorry for?  
For making you angry.  
You didn't do it, she replied, helping him up, I just went on strike. It's not entirely your fault. But if you guys want food, you have to eat the gumbo.  
But it isn't finished, he dragged to her feet, clamping his arms around her legs, rubbing his face into the plush fabric of her robe.  
She rubbed the top of his head, Then you'll just have to finish it.  
  
The guys in general. There's a cook book in there with the recipes somewhere. Hilde kneeled down. Now come on. I'll find something to hold you over until it's finished.  
  
  
We can't eat anything other than what we make?  
Dorothy corrected. If you want food, take up where we left off.  
Relena shrugged, feeling bad for how the guys were being treated.   
Sally laughed, we're going out to an Italian restaurant. Don't burn Quatre's mansion down while we're gone.  
Hilde stayed behind with Relena. Duo sucked on a carton of orange juice like there was no tomorrow. Heero and Wufei exchanged looks.  
Am I really that hungry?  
You will be tomorrow after not eating.  
Even a perfect soldier can't go forever without food.  
  
Quatre held up a cooking book and took a breath, are we all ready?  
Wufei sat on the opposite side of the bar, sulking, with a look of pure hatred in his eyes. Heero was standing over the unfinished gumbo, which had been stored in the refrigerator. Duo was gathering ingredients hastily while Trowa kept him from breaking Quatre's things as he went along. Zechs was eyeing the wine case, which was struck short a few bottles.  
Hilde sat on the table, moving to the faint music on the stereo. Wufei glared at her, then at the stereo, which played Johnny Mathis as it had been the day before. He gruffly sighed and Trowa sent him a taciturn look. Quatre thumbed through the cook book.  
Hilde, baby, Duo moaned, setting down the meat and oysters, then slouching over to Hilde, who patted his head sweetly. Please help us.  
She made a small piteous face and pinched his cheeks. Oh, Duo, honey, just follow the instructions and everything'll be fine.  
he began, as Quatre hummed at the cook book. But we don't cook good!  
Heero noticed the cutlery and briefly thought of an attempt to either cut the cooking lesson short or cut his own hands off to prevent him from accidentally hurting someone. Namely someone who couldn't take it like a man and make the damn gumbo.  
What have you already done, Hilde? asked Quatre. So we know where to start.  
It's supposed to be simmering now. For thirty minutes, she said, almost getting up to show them, but stopping herself, before you add the vegetables.  
Trowa looked over Heero's shoulder. Set it to medium first.  
Heero reached over the pot and pressed the knob in to turn it to medium as Trowa ordered. You learn to cook from Catherine?  
I picked up a few skills, he said, turning away. She doesn't always cook for everyone like she did for us. She's not always a homely young lady.  
No one is, Hilde piped, stretching her legs over the edge of the table, every girl's got some grit.  
Some have more than others, Zechs added, finally moving from the wine rack. Like most of the ones I know, for instance.  
Relena isn't gritty, Duo said, sitting at the table, laying his head on Hilde's lap childishly, Relena seems real wife-like if you ask me.  
Zechs stood bold upright.   
Heero muttered, You don't know her.  
Duo, she's a vice minister in politics, of course she's got grit. Hilde rested her hand on Duo's back and let her fingers trace circles over the taut muscles in his shoulders. All girls have their own idiosyncrasies.  
Duo rolled his head to look up at her, You don't have a personal quirk, do you?  
The eyebrow thing, she giggled. Haven't you noticed? Whenever I'm real angry, or embarrassed, or just don't know what say, my right eyebrow twitches. It's a little tick I picked up when I was in grade school, actually.  
He made an astounded gesture. I never would have noticed that!  
Relena made an entrance sheepishly. She noted the scowls on Heero and Wufei's faced before crossing the open floor to where her brother stood. She went to stand next to him, completely dwarfed, and made no motion to comment. Zechs looked down at her, not sure, and glanced at Hilde.  
What do you do? Hilde guessed, smiling as Duo poked her knee. Ask Quatre. He's the strategic leader, you know. The brain.  
Zechs would have blushed if he were another person, but he didn't and turned his gaze to Quatre, who was reading the recipe for the umpteenth time. Heero stared down into the bubbling abyss of gumbo with no expression. Wufei didn't dare to make things worse by stating his feelings. Trowa handed him a jar of crinkly looking green leaves. He cocked his head.  
What do I do with this?  
He held up a rolling pin and a pillowcase that he'd snatched earlier. Pulverize those leaves in this pillow case with this rolling pin. I'm sure you'll have no trouble. You'll be making the file.  
Wufei accepted the pillow case and rolling pin. Physical activity. Perhaps this is not as womanly as I surmised.  
Just don't break the counter, Quatre chuckled, it's marble.  
Relena smiled, watching from the protective barrier of her brother's chest. She was wearing a white blouse and yellow capris, with her long wheaten hair ornately plaited and drawn back in a strange twist. Hilde's mastery during the absence of the other girls.  
  
I think that you need to get the _anti pasta_. It probably doesn't have any noodles in it.  
Sally, anti pasta means _appetizer_, Noin pointed out.   
Sally, who was tipsy on Quatre's wet bar, laughed, reeling in her chair as Catherine gave her an evil eyeing. _  
  
_SHUT YOUR F-CKING MOUTH BEFORE I CRUSH YOUR G-DDAMN NAUGHTY BITS!  
Oh Christ! It's burning! Stop it!  
Hilde was cornering Wufei with a wooden spoon, about to shove it up his nose, while Quatre and Trowa tried desperately to save the gumbo, which was on the verge of bubbling over. Heero was standing in the middle of it, with Duo spread eagle on the floor on the other side of the counter. Zechs had his forehead pressed to the glass of the sliding doors, watching Relena stroll on the beach, her blood coursing with anger aroused by Wufei and Heero, who had unwittingly double teamed her. She was wound down and worn out from her political advances, and wasn't mentally ready to handle arguments from someone in whom she held so much respect and trust. Zechs swore and shook his head as Hilde screamed at Wufei.  
I never knew Hilde talked like that, Duo murmured, weakened from lack of nourishment, she cusses like a sailor.  
Heero was partially thankful that Hilde took it upon herself to lash out on Wufei. Partly because she was more of a loud mouth than Duo, and had a bit more leverage in the aggression and intimidation front. He wouldn't want to send another girl in the household into a fit, or not say anything and let the situation slide from bad to worse. There were a lot of formalities that rose from his silence, and he had to keep tabs on them all.  
  
I didn't think it was politically correct, said Dorothy, lifting a wine glass to her lips, I mean, you know, being--like--God and all.  
Being God and being a politician aren't the same.  
They are to me.  
You're so goofy.  
I think it's the sherry.  
Dorothy laughed. Sally said it was cognac.  
It aint cognac, Sally blubbered. I had sherry last night, cognac this morning, and this is fruit brandy.  
What kind?  
Batzi apple brandy.  
That stuff is expensive, Catherine screeched, why are you drinking Quatre's expensive brandy?  
Why does Quatre HAVE expensive brandy?  
  
This is a disaster! Hilde, please forgive us, we just can't do this, Quatre said, fanning smoke out of the kitchen.  
Hilde was sitting on the counter, clenching a dishrag, sending Wufei a glare of lances and daggers as he held an ice bag stubbornly to his cheek. He grumbled and hissed while Heero put things away. Relena was out on the beach still, sitting in the breakers carelessly. Letting the gritty sand lodge itself in her clothes. Zechs had seated himself out on the balcony to keep an eye on her, grumbling. Trowa was standing next to Hilde.  
I'm sorry about all this, he said, you shouldn't have to put up with us.  
Hilde called.  
  
Are you still alive?  
  
Come on, let's go out to eat.  
Oh, I love you!  
  
Where is everyone? We brought back doggy bags and no one's here!  
There's got to be a note somewhere.  
Sally, totally smashed and sicker than she'd ever been in her life, leaned on Noin and moaned. Dorothy switched on the lights, her head thumping from a taste of perfume-to-poison brandy. Catherine tsked at all of them, even Noin for letting alcohol get the best of Sally and Dorothy.   
I can't believe I actually agreed to come on this vacation with Trowa.  
I can't believe I drank the whole thing!  
You did, Sally.  
Please tell me Quatre has Alka-Seltzer.  
Sally groaned, Forget the Alka-Seltzer, get me some coke and rum!  
Oh, that'll do you a whole lot of good.  
They all piled onto the couch and sighed almost unanimously. You could hit me with a brick and I wouldn't know it.  
But you would tomorrow, Noin told her, you just need to---  
gurgled Sally, drooling on Noin's shoulder.  
  
  
Duo smiled happily and hugged Hilde, Duo Maxwell, will never take you for granted again.  
Quatre and Trowa exchanged glances and followed Hilde and Duo out of the Mexican restaurant, El Casa Grande. Heero scornfully watched Wufei snark a handful of Chicklets with spare change and shook his head. Lord knows what they'd hap upon at Quatre's mansion. But he didn't want to think about that now.  
Zechs carried his container of enchiladas with a toothpick between his lips, not sure if he should thank Hilde or damn her to hell for the pain she put him through with the pilots all in one restaurant with spicy food. As if Duo's screams about tabasco sauce being too spicy wasn't enough, then Quatre had to complain about the sanitation, with Wufei blaring for hotter salsa to dip his corn chips in. Trowa was the most docile, but his eating habit was more than annoying. No food must mix, which was next to impossible with Mexican food. Zechs wondered if he could have eaten the gumbo if they'd actually made it. He was simply thankful that Relena hadn't been put through anything else.  
  
Oh God! Dorothy shrieked. She threw up!  
  
Now I think I'm gonna be sick!  
Don't you dare!  
Dorothy ran into the kitchen and hurled out the Batzi into the nearest container. She hurled up her dinner, her lunch, her breakfast, and her multivitamins, then sucked water from the tap all the while saying, That was just wrong.  
Rushing back and forth with Noin, Catherine tried to find a way to get rid of Sally's little accident. She quickly found a vacuum cleaner and put it to use. Sally eventually passed out, on the Oriental runner in the hall, with Noin clocked over the head by a wayward bronze statue nearby. The front doors opened, and Quatre immediately wailed. The house was a mess, not simply because Sally had gone on a brandy binge, but also because they had all blindly tripped into almost everything, knocking it out of place of denting it. Dorothy was laying in an upstairs tub of cold water, rapidly freaking about the alcohol she'd had. Noin and Sally were out on the rug, and Catherine was rushing about trying to make up for them with an already scorched apron around her waist haphazardly.  
What a vacation, Wufei said flatly.  
You better believe it. Hilde leaned against Duo, who snickered.  
Relena pushed past them all and publicly stated that she was sorry for the problems they'd encountered. The argument with Wufei and Heero, Quatre's house, the Mexican food, everything. Zechs barked and screeched at Heero in his baritone horse wheeze that only few had heard. It was late, things like that happened to men like him, stress does that. Heero and Wufei ended up apologizing, Duo and Hilde were the same as ever, and the others--excluding those passed out, freaked out, or screamed out--went to try and piece Quatre's mansion back together. The morning ended with everyone mutually sleepy and friendly, the sun rising like a big happy orange. Not one smile was found on anyone's face as they fell asleep. Noin and Sally finally awoke and commenced to aide their aching heads, stepping over bodies littered along the floor, with Dorothy dripping and glaring at herself in the mirror of the bathroom.  
CAN I GO HOME YET?  
SHUT UP!  
I think I want to stay another week.  
YOU WILL DIE!  
MILIARDO, HEERO, WUFEI, PUT THAT SILVERWARE BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!  
Quatre yelled...  
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLES!  
  
Um...that's all I can think of! So it's now a good time to end! It took me a month to write this, so it's about time! Thanks much! Casey Lou (also known as kalobuko) finally signing out after a lot of laziness here!


End file.
